I was talking to a homie last week and the topic of conversation happened to be attraction. Specifically the difference in what women find attractive. He feels like his idea of what he thinks an attractive man should be and what women actually find attractive are two different things. He then goes on to say that in his opinion John Legend or Hill Harper would be men that he would like to be associated with during conversations about attraction but most women under 35 aren't checking for this type of dude.
I thought about this because I do believe that attraction varies from person to person. For some people attraction is purely physical. There are times when you see someone and you know instantly that you want to get to know that person on a different level, whether it be physical or otherwise. Then there are times when attraction is caused by something else. It could be a personality trait or a characteristic that just does it for you.
I don’t think either form of attraction is wrong. Personally, I tend to be attracted to a man’s character than his physical appearance. I’ve only dated 2 men based on how they looked and they were both dismal romances. For me it is the other traits that may be very evident but have nothing to do with physical traits.
For instance, I love a little arrogance in a man. He has to be kind of cocky and sure of himself but not to the point where he is self-consumed. He has to know what he wants and stand firm regardless of what others may think. I also find a hardworking guy very attractive. Whether you are a physician or a garbage man if you go to work and bring home a consistent check I’m good. I am a fan of intellect but not necessarily book smart. I like a man who is knowledgeable of any topic that he's passionate about. I also find expression attractive.
In an effort to provide examples of what I find attractive I have chosen several celebrities that I have a thing for that goes beyond the physical features.
First up would be Andre Benjamin (3000 for you Outkast fans). His voice is as thick and slow as molasses and he is a southern boy in every sense of the word. He is smart, eclectic, passionate, and awkward yet he wraps it all in a confidence that demands that you take him as he is or you leave him be. Granted he has beautiful eyes and a smile that could slip me out of my panties on its own but it is his attitude that gets me every time.
Next is Mr. Don Cheadle. I don’t find anything about Don Cheadle physically attractive with the exception of his uber chocolate skin color. Don Cheadle is an active humanitarian who works tirelessly in Africa. And he speaks so well. It’s like everything he says has to be true because he says it with so much confidence and conviction. He would be the type that I would be proud to stand beside at a rally or march. He is serious about making differences and to me that is hella sexy.
The next attractive fellow on my list Yasiin Bey aka Mos Def. Ok I have a serious thing for voices. I love to hear this man talk. It could be about peas and carrots for all I care. His voice is strong and it commands attention but it also so sensual he sounds like he is wooing you no matter the subject. I also like the fact that he can go from the hood to the white house effortlessly. He is just as cool in his b-boy clothes as he is in a 3 piece suit. He also has a deep set of dimples and the prettiest skin I believe I’ve ever witnessed on a man.
Now we will move on to Mr. Sean Carter. Jay-Z wears hard work and success as cologne. He is so confident in everything he does and he never lets the public see him sweat. The older he gets the more attractive he gets and I can honestly say that with his attitude he could be flipping burgers at McDonald’s and I would still be attracted to him.
Ok the next guy is Lamman Rucker. I will admit I like him for multiple reasons. I will get the evident out of the way. This. Man. Is. Fine. With brown skin, big eyes, ridiculous smile, and a body that does not quit he is dreamy to say the least. But more than his physical appearance, every time I see this man on television he is nothing less than a charismatic gentleman. He unconsciously flirts with every woman who interviews him, he is always humble and grateful for his success, and he just stands out. He would be the guy in the room who you would notice instantly. There is just something about him that makes him mysterious and makes me want to investigate him further.
Now this one is a blast from the past. It would be none other than Mr. Dwayne Wayne himself, Kadeem Hardison. I have to be honest and say that the reason I find him attractive is purely based of the funny glasses wearing guy I grew up with on A Different World. Wayne was funny, smart, kind, down to earth, and willing to tame a brat. I feel like every woman needs a Dwayne Wayne in her life. Kadeem is also pretty funny and I love to laugh. A man’s ability to keep me laughing says a lot to me.
Finally there is the young buck on the list. That is Kevin Durant. Now I tried not to find him attractive. First of all he’s a kid. Like I don’t even think he’s 25. Next came the fact that his is kind of awkward looking. He’s all arms and legs and at times he looks like he is still learning how to control his limbs. What I do find attractive about this guy is his demeanor. He is one the most inconspicuous basketball stars I’ve ever come across. You hardly ever see him on blogs getting pissy drunk or beating up on a baby mama or getting arrested for DWI. His focus is on basketball. I also like the fact that any time someone talks about him they say he is one of the best guys in the NBA. Not as a player but as a person and that says a lot. When you make as much money as that kid does and you literally have the world at your fingertips the ability to see past all of it and stay focused on his craft is commendable. You can also tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother and this guy loves his mother. She is the first person he looks for after every big win or massive loss. In all honesty I find him as a person pretty attractive.
Now this isn’t a list of men I think are sexy because Idris, Lance, Denzel, Hosea, and a slew of other men are not on it. This list is a list of men who possess attributes that I feel are necessary for me to enjoy a man's company even if the physical fades or isn’t existent. These would be men I would try to build something with and not just try to go to bed with. I think that’s the difference for me between who I find sexy and who I am attracted to you. Wanting to sleep with you isn’t the same as wanting to have a life with you. I think if more people realized that we would have fewer divorces and men with busted car windows.
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