Simply Beautiiful

For his birthday he asked me to write about him. Specifically what I think of him. I believe that he wants his ego stroked because I think he is my equivalent of a perfect verse over a tight beat. I will admit I fell in love with his spirit before I fell in love with him. He is the type of man that commands attention simply for being him. The overbearingly large fella with the mischievous smile and sincere eyes. He rarely greets anyone without that smile. He goes out of his way to make small talk with anyone. Women often look at me to make sure I’m ok with his interaction. For most men caring on small talk would be the introduction to flirtation. For this one it is his way to spread a little positivity someone’s way. He leaves small piece of him with anyone he encounters.

I feel almost regal in his presence. Almost as if I am being judged based on the person he is. I have to meet a certain standard to be seen worthy of all he has to offer. He never makes me feel less than the most important thing in his life. He is my confidant, my sidekick, my muse. It is almost as if I am simply a keeper of this heart because it stopped being mine a long time ago.

He is a gentle giant with hands that can break boards and soothe souls. He comes from a lineage of extraordinary humanitarians who contributed to making this world a better place simply by being good people even when they didn’t want to. I can honestly say that he hasn’t dropped the ball and he is following the same path taken by those he holds closest to his heart.

There are so many other things I could discuss about him. I could probably write his praises on as many pages as days I’ve known him. Since the first time he gave me an inebriated smile at a Chacho’s 5 years ago I’ve been smitten by his existence. He allowed me in his world and I have yet to want out. He is by no means perfect but he makes me want to be and that is pretty perfect to me.

To borrow a line from Jim Jones

 “He’s still the dude I got a crush on”

Single Soul Sista Tales

So I was talking to a friend last week and he tells me that he has a thing for me. I already know where this is going but I indulge because my life has been pretty ridiculous lately and entertaining the mediocre seemed like a good distraction. So I ask him why he likes me. He says because of our banter. I will admit that I am a witty chick and 85% of all of my male friendships were based on the fact that I can keep sparring going pretty effortlessly. So once again there is no surprise that my easy going attitude and my snappy comebacks were the reasons that he thinks he likes me. So in his head he already thinks he’s going to be the new thing in my life and he is going to get me out of my funk.

You see I’ve kind of retreated from the world I use to know. Why? Well because I am outgrowing it. I don’t drink, I don’t eat out a lot, I don’t stay out late or go to clubs, and I can’t tell you what’s on top 40 these days. I prefer to spend my down time researching and enjoying my family. Well most people see this as a depressing life for a 30 yr old and they think I need fixing. That doesn’t bother me so much as his notion that we will be a great couple simply because I have a slick mouth.

This guy knows absolutely nothing about me. So we get to talking and just discussing likes and dislikes and, as I presumed, we are complete opposites. He’s the average guy who likes movies, music, comics, cartoons, and being the life of the party. I am a hippy earth goddess who likes arts, literature, and conversation. He’s a gym freak and I am a couch potato. We don’t even practice the same religion so needless to say this isn’t a match made in heaven.

I guess my concern is why do guys think that just because we’re friends we would make good mates? Now I will admit that I have dated a few of my friends but that doesn’t mean that all of my guy friends are relationship material. I also wonder what in the world is it that makes people think that the way someone makes them feel is enough to build a relationship.

I mean we have known each other for over 5 years and we don’t know anything about each other. He doesn’t know what my goals are or what I want out of life yet he wants to be the man in my life. He doesn’t even know what that entails. There is so much more to people than the physical or the initial chemistry. I am at a point where I have to be comfortable that what I’m investing in will yield dividends. I have excellent chemistry with so many people but that will never be the basis for a relationship……again.

You see, I’ve dated a guy because of our battle of wits. It was fun and interesting and passionate. It didn’t provide any security or comfort. And when the passion wasn’t there it was easy to seek it elsewhere than work on what we had. There was no longevity in chemistry and I think it should be one of the components in a relationship and not the main one.

Needless to say I am not going to entertain these advances anymore. It isn’t fair to either of us and my eyes are glued to a very different prize.

Beware of Christians

So I spent the past two days watching a documentary called “Beware of Christians”. It’s a movie shot by 4 Texas College Guys and they travelled to several countries in Europe discussing Christianity with locals and each other. They chose 7 topics and picked a specific country to tackle each topic. For example, in Hungary they covered Wealth and Poverty and they went to the beer capital of the world to discuss Alcohol. The complete list of topics was:

Identity

Materialism

Sex/Relationship

Church

Wealth/Poverty

Media/Entertainment

Alcohol

I will say that this movie is one time for so many reasons. First, for the past 2 years I’ve struggled with living a life following my faith completely. I have started to question my day to day activities and convicting me when I’m doing something I know isn’t Christ like. These four guys went through each topic thoroughly. They asked questions to strangers, they discussed their personal struggles, and they had group discussions. They were honest in admitting where they fall short and they offered alternatives to living closer to the standard God put in place for Christians. They also included silly college frat boy stuff that showed that they still have fun.

Second, this movie reaffirms the need for friends who are on the same path and committed to following that path as you are. I always thought I could be the friend who was different than the rest of the group and I would get suckered in to doing something just because the people around me were doing it. I can honestly say that after taking a look back that I am not strong enough to constantly fight peer pressure. I don’t think anyone is though. I am learning that I need a circle of peers who are young and who may have been in the church all of their lives but who are learning this life as adults. I need people around me who I’m comfortable with questioning my life and they will hold me accountable when I fall short.

Finally, this movie opened my eyes to the idea of Christianity not only here but around the world. They confirmed that you can’t be a true Christian and live the way you once lived. It is a life changing commitment and I should look different than those who are not believers. There is more to Christianity than God knowing your heart. I have to live the life and be the example and set myself a part from what is considered the norm.

I encourage anyone who is young and has questions about the way your life should be led when claiming to be Christian to watch it and take inventory on the current state of your life. None of us are perfect and we all have things we struggle but there should be something that lets people know what you believe without actually saying it. At one part of the movie the guys asked a woman if she could see any difference in Christians. Her response was “Not really. They are just busy in Sundays”. That’s disheartening because I see it every day. I live it most days. My actions aren’t what they should be in saying that I am a Christian. My focus is wrong and my prayers are skewed. The amazing part of this life is that I know this and God knows this and he still loves me and still gives me chances to prove my love to him.

So this isn’t a personal attack on the way anyone else lives their lives. I am speaking specifically for me. For me it’s time to be better and to do better. To refocus on what’s important and surround myself with people who ultimately have the same foundation.

Best Date Ever

I hope there comes a day in every woman’s life where she has a perfect date. I believe I had mine on November 5, 2012. We were in our own little world enclosed by curtains. The room was a little cool but luckily I had a blanket to keep me warm. He takes his phone and turns on Dru Hill’s “Enter the Dru” (which was one of my favorite albums back in the day. He then takes off my shoe and commences to massage the stress of the day away. We laugh about past embarrassments, reminisce on lost loved ones, and profess affections for the other that we are too afraid to act on at the moment. I tell him I am a sucker for the hands that are currently making everything worth encountering. He grins and says “I’m just a guy Ma”. And I look at him almost certain that he doesn’t comprehend the fact that I would risk life and limb to continue to see that bashful grin. At that very moment and even on this day I am sincerely glad to have gotten sick enough to take that trip. If I hadn’t then I wouldn’t have fallen even further in love in an emergency room.

Sometimes I swear I am living out a real life romance novel.

My First Crush

I’m a reader. Anyone who knows me knows that I keep a book or two with me everywhere I go I have a book in my hand. My mom says I’ve had a book with me for so long she doesn’t remember when I actually started reading. I get crazy involved with the characters and settings and everything. I have to even admit that my first love was a fiction novel character…….Marcus Garvey Carter.

My favorite book of all time is “Tryin’ to Sleep in the Bed You Made”. It is written by best friends Virginia DeBerry and Donna Grant and it the story of Patricia and Gayle. Pat is an overweight girl who was raised by a southern mother. She is brilliant but a bit shy and awkward. When Pat’s mother dies she is moved from the country to live with her aunt. Pat finds out that her mother was really her grandmother and her aunt is really her mother. Gayle is the only child of her parents and the apple of their eye. She is beautiful and popular, not scholastically smart but very creative. Marcus and his family live in the same area as Gayle and Pat. One day an accident happens and Marcus’ brother is shot in Pat’s home. Her mother sends her to live in an orphanage and Gayle convinces her parents to adopt her. The book chronicles the lives of Gayle and Pat. It is touching and entertaining and I think I’ve read it 30 times.

I highly recommend it as a feel good read to any and everyone but this isn’t so much about the book. This is about Marcus Garvey Carter and my unwavering love for him. You see Marcus was the little knucklehead brother. He didn’t really have any direction and when his brother died he took on the guilt and sort of lived his life the way he thought his brother would. He ended up focusing on baseball and becoming good enough to go to the Major League. He lived life a bit recklessly and he made few excuses for it. He was a cocky jerk throughout most of the book. But his character was written so beautifully that I could see past all the bad decisions he made and recognize that he was a good dude with an enormous heart. I could see that he loved his family and he was loyal as he wanted nothing more than to make sure his brother’s memory lived on.

I think this is a true testament to the type of guy I like. People are always talking about their type and that usually means describing physical features. I think my type is more of a personality thing than physical. I like men who aren’t afraid to work hard. Hard work is a huge turn on for me. I don’t care if a man is a CEO or if he collects garbage, if he takes pride in his work and doesn’t mind working then I can rock with him. It’s the main reason why I am so difficult initially when getting to know a suitor. I have to comfortable that he doesn’t mind doing a more than average. I also like men who have good hearts. I am a sucker for a humanitarian. If he is good to people then I’m in. He also has to value education. Mind you I didn’t say he had to have 15 degrees or read the Wall Street Journal but he does have to appreciate knowledge and not be comfortable with not knowing something. He has to be respectful, a gentleman, and of good moral character….. Everything that made me fall in like with Marcus Carter.

It’s been about 18 years since I first read the book and I pick it up and fall in love with him all over again. As a matter of fact, I may revisit my first crush this weekend.