We Go Together If

                The topic for the last week or so with me and my friends (they are all guys because I’m the Leslie Wright of Houston…but that’s a different blog entry) is relationships. I see it in the media all the time where a man and a woman meet and they embark on a journey of sorts. IT starts out as physical thing. They start to have sex and they see they get along. Sex leads to phone conversations, lunches, dinners, movies, various functions and amounts of intimacy that becomes comfortable. Eventually someone catches feelings and wants something a bit more concrete than a consistent body to relieve sexual desires. Once this happens the other player in the game is caught off guard because they don’t know why there is a change. I am a believer it’s because the rules weren't established or were established and not followed in the beginning of the situation.

                I don’t care what anyone says….there is a difference between casual sex and relationships. When having sex with a person turns into having pet names and exchanging gifts on special occasions or accompanying a person to events and having late night phone conversations then you are in a relationship. A lot of my guy friends don’t know when a woman considers herself in a relationship so I decided to write it out in a segment I call “We Go Together If”.

So without further or do…..We go together if 

1)      I meet your parents.

Meeting parents is always a big deal to women. In our mind, a true gentleman doesn’t parade a woman around his mother unless he has real feelings about her and he is contemplating establishing a relationship with her. So if I am invited to a family dinner or you take me to meet your parents then we go together. I’m not talking about an incident where I come to meet you and your parents happen to be at home or we bump into them somewhere and you feel obligated to introduce me. I mean if time was carved for me to meet your parents then you’re mine. Period

2)      We talkconstantly

If you are the first person I talk to when I wake up, the last person I talk to before I go to bed, and we have conversations that last longer than an hour at least 4 days a week then we go together. If we talk to each other every single day of the week we go together. If you get mad when I don’t respond to a text or phone call immediately then we go together.

3)      We have pet names

Baby, boo, shorty, lil mama, babe, honey, sweetie, Ma……if I am called any of those names by you then we go together. What the hell I need a pet name for if we aren’t more than sex buddies. Nicknames mean that you see me as someone who is special to you or else you would still be calling me by my name.

4)      You pull Black Cotton

I have fascinating hair. She is big and puffy and soft and a personal pillow when cuddling. People always want to touch her and see if she feels as soft as she looks. I have no problem with the occasional pat or graze. You can even rub the strands between your fingers but the second I feel your fingers maneuver their way into my hair, your nails graze my scalp, and you tug so hard that my head moves……we go together. No questions asked. No need to explain anything. And I’m asking for a Michael Kors watch.

5)      You feel like you have a right to know my business

Sex is just that. If you want to have it with someone then all that should matter is that they are willing, ready, and have protection. When you start asking about past sexual partners and who I am sleeping with currently it is obvious that you want more than sex. If sex was all you wanted from me then whatever else I got going on doesn’t matter. Trust me. I’ve had men who didn’t give a care if I was married or if I had crabs. If they wanted sex that other stuff shouldn’t matter. If you asking extra questions outside of “Can I get it?” (or some lame way of asking for sex) then you want more than sex and that means we go together.

6)      You have personal items at my residence or try to spend the night

If you leave your toothbrush in the toothbrush holder, got your Tim’s at the foot of my bed, or have clothes in my hamper then we go together and I’m asking for something on the light bill. You don’t want to be together then take all your crap with you when you go. And the only people who stay overnight in my bed pay bills so if you wake up in my room be prepared to go in on some utilities.

7)      You try to cuff me while we’re out

We at a party or in the club and a dude is trying to buy me a drink or asking me to dance. You appear out of nowhere with your hand around my waist like we’re connected. Or you want to fight homeboy for “disrespecting you”. Or I get cussed out for being a whore in the club then we go together. If we were just having sex then what I do is none of your business. If you have a problem with it that means you either have feelings for me or you want me to be your personal whore. Since it’s my mind I’m going with the first one and changing my relationship status on Facebook immediately.

8)      You start trickin

For those of you who don’t know what it means, trickin is the art of spending ridiculous amounts of money on a person. This could include bill payments, trips, shopping sprees, dinners, anything that requires you to dig in that bank account.  The old people say if you want to know what you relish find out where you spend your money. If all your money is going to me I am going to assume we are in love.

9)      Our intimacy goes beyond physical

The best part of a relationship is a level of comfort and security that two people have with each other. I got your back and you have mine. We share hopes and dreams and we build things together. That being said, if you are holding me when I don’t feel well or picking me up when I fall and investing in my future, then we are not just having sex. If we struggle together then we have moved past the physical. We are establishing a foundation and therefore we go together.

10)   You cook for me

If you are not a culinary student practicing for an assignment and you get your grown self in the kitchen and cook for me then you’re mine. Most men don’t cook period and the ones who do rarely cook for women. That being said, the first time you slave over a stove and prepare a meal that didn’t come out of a box or frozen food section then we go together. And if it’s good I'm close to changing my last name.

These are just a few of the things that a man can do that will make what he says null and void. You can tell me every day of the week that we are not together and you don’t want a relationship but if your actions mirror any of these then  you’ve screwed yourself. In doing these things I will expect the commitment that a woman gets from man who only wants to be with her. Men might say that’s crazy but I say that’s life. You have no idea what triggers an individual to change how they feel. And if I don’t know anything else I know that the worst thing you can do to a person is play with their feelings.  

So my advice is to be a bit more concrete in your decisions with the opposite sex. If we are just having sex then get together, do what you do, clean up, and go home. I only need a phone call when you want me and the only time you will get a call from me is when I want you. Doing anything else leaves room for confusion and misinterpretation. Make sure you’re walking the same way you’re talking or you may end up with a significant other you weren’t even trying to have. And breaking up will be hell!

NOTE*: I’m really not crazy and I don’t believe I am in a relationship with a man unless we come to that conclusion together BUT men I am not in a relationship with aren’t allowed to do anything on this list.